Hello 30!

Anyone who knows me knows that I've been dreading aging since I turned 21. I had a great 21st birthday. I was living in the south of France after spending a month backpacking through the United Kingdom. I had new friends, a carefree non-committal attitude and the weather was still warm outside! On the night of my birthday we returned home from an evening out on the town, I entered my roommate's bedroom crying. When she asked "what's up?" I sobbed "I don't want to turn 22!"

I somehow toughened up and fell in love with my twenties. So much so that I didn't want to leave them. Yet, I've been negatively anticipating 30 since I turned 28 and I've been actively dreading it since my 29th birthday. As the "big" day drew closer the dread grew. I made myself miserable! I didn't sleep at all the night before my birthday.

And then all of a sudden I was 30. Just like that. The birthday messages and texts started at 2am and carried on throughout the day. I was showered with gifts and cards and so much love - to the point that I was shaken by how much life I'd overlooked, masked by my dread. I started to reminisce about my twenties. I thought I was fat, looking older, getting grey hairs (that is actually a fact), not successful enough, "behind" my peers. Let's just say I beat myself up. Then I realized my biggest fear with turning 30 wasn't the age, it was the realization that life is speeding up and time is moving faster. I began to think about my twenties differently. I wasn't old or fat or failing. I was a twenty-something figuring it out as I went along. And now I'm a thirty-something figuring it out as I go along. So, what's the difference between 20s and 30s to me? This time, I don't want to rush, push myself to be something I'm not, or find any other excuse in the book to not love every single day as it comes.

I want to live my 30s and never take one day for granted. I want to know that I'm not old, 'cause I'm not. And I'm not wrinkled or fat or "behind." I'm just a person in her 30s still figuring it out and I'm okay with that.

#birthday #30 #thirties